Men, stop offering women help when they didn’t ask for it

I can name plenty of times when men have come up to me asking if I need help, when I didn’t even ask for it, nor did I actually need it. Whether it’s while I am parallel parking, walking to my car with groceries, or simply working out at the gym, it seems that some men never stop feeling entitled to offer their assistance.

Although these men may think they are only being helpful and chivalrous, to me and many other women alike, it seems as if you are being condescending, or presumptuously assuming that I cannot handle what I am doing on my own.

I have been driving for around 8 years now and have a spotless driving record. I drive cautiously and efficiently, and do an excellent job parking. Yet, it seems as though people, specifically men, love to offer help when I am taking my own sweet time to fit into a tight parallel parking spot. It’s pretty hard to focus on my parking while a strange man is waving their arms and hands in front of my car as if they are directing traffic.

If I roll down my window and ask you strangers lurking outside my car how much space I have behind me, then your help is welcome. Otherwise, please stop acting like a traffic director because you look ridiculous and are being all too distracting.

I have also dealt with unsolicited help from men while carrying groceries to my car. Yes, I am 5’3, 115 lbs and don’t appear the strongest physically, but I can manage my own groceries and in fact, I choose to because I can. If I was obviously struggling and dropping my groceries, then I would thank you for your help. But, if I seem like I am managing perfectly fine on my own, your lack of engagement is much more appreciated than your unsolicited “chivalry”.

Another inconvenient time when I am offered male help is at the gym, specifically when I am lifting heavy weights or trying out new equipment. Maybe it’s because a guy thinks I am attractive, or maybe it’s because he assumes because I am a petite, blonde woman that I just need the help. If it is because he is attempting to flirt, then his chosen approach is most definitely a turn off. To randomly ask if I need help figuring out how to use an exercise machine is condescending in itself. It’s just in bad taste. If I need help, I will ask an employee. Find a new way to charm me that doesn’t seem to doubt my intelligence and astuteness at the gym.

On the other hand, I will not deny that there are also plenty of women who do appreciate the extra, unsolicited help, even when they do not need it, but simply because they like being helped. That type of woman just isn’t relatable to who I am, and for many other independent women like me.

We are not all in dire desire of a man’s help.

All in all, be cautious when offering help to a stranger. Because, one – you are a stranger, and two – they may not need your help, and your “help” may seem patronizing. In my case, I don’t need your extra arms when I grocery shop, your mansplaining while I parallel park, nor your unsought instruction on gym equipment.

So, for future reference, unless a woman specifically asks for your help or gives obvious, unmistakeable signs that she needs help, maybe think twice before you so kindly offer help.

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Stop mooching off your friends

Have you ever gone out to eat, shopping or to a bar with friends and had to lend a friend some money to pay for themselves? Do you find yourself always paying for the Ubers and Lyfts because your friend never offers? Have you ever wondered why your one friend never buys her/himself drinks, yet always asks for sips of yours?

Now, I know everybody wants to enjoy life and get out of the house sometimes. We all want to go out to eat or grab some drinks with our friends every now and then. But, there’s a certain group of people who seem to always want to enjoy these super fun group outings — yet never seem opportune to fund their taking part in them.

The bottom line is: if you don’t have money to go out and pay for yourself, don’t go out.

Just don’t go. It’s not fair to your friends who are ready to spend money on a fun time when you don’t want to spend any on yourself. Who wants to go out and be the only one eating a big meal or drinking a fun drink while you sit there and watch them?

These moochers also have a tendency to play the victim. Have you gotten tired of them saying, “I’m trying to save money” or “I haven’t gotten paid yet, can you spot me”?

Attention moochers: you need to stop guilt tripping your friends into paying for you just because you don’t want to spend the money. It’s your fault that you decided to go out when you don’t have the allocated funds or the desire to spend some. What you need to do is stay home, save up and pay for yourself next time. If not, people will probably stop inviting you out.